The Fountain (of disaster)

You guys. Dan and I watched this because it was one of the free Amazon Prime movies.

We thought it would be pretty good since it had Hugh Jackman in it. The only thing good about it was reading the all the funny user reviews on amazon (but unfortunately we read them after we watched it!). Don't get me wrong; plenty of reviewers gave it 5 stars. Buuuut, I'm pretty sure they were high on somethin'. And they felt the need to comment on all the 1-star-reviews with "This movie is just way too deep for your puny little brain." Here are some of the 1-star reviews, for your enjoyment:

"Whenever I receive the, "What is the worst movie you have ever seen?" question, I always provide the title of this movie thanks to its confusing story and depressing content. I'd rather paint my house than watch this movie and I hate painting my house." -Topher

"I never review anything, but this monstrosity of a film is certainly worth the labor....This is in the top 5 worst movie experiences of my life." - Johnny McNicebreath

"There is absolutely no point to this film. I feel like I just got hoodwinked into listening to a guy say "I have the answer to life!" only he rambles on about every day stuff like a video on YouTube or the new internet meme. ... Watch it if you have time to kill and you have somehow become immobile with a remote and this movie all ready to go....I wanted to drill my head out after watching this." -jookyone

"Let's see... a guy in a bubble in space with a tree in it eats part of the tree and breaks out of the bubble - wait, that happened at the end. The guy has a dying wife (who is infinitely stoic about dying) who writes a book (called "The Fountain") that the guy starts reading. She wants him to finish the book for her, as she has written all but the last chapter (this is supposed to be really meaningful, because, she's dying, you know.) In it, a conquistador is sent by the queen of Spain to find a hidden Mayan pyramid that has the tree of immortality in it, using three holes in a broken knife for a map. She wants him to do this to save her from the Spanish Inquisition, which nobody expects. Once there, he fights his way through a few warriors and some kind of religious looking person, eats some of that tree, but instead of it saving him, it kills him and turns him into a bunch of flowers within a minute or so. What else... The guy is some type of medical researcher who violates all the rules about drug studies and, in a flash of insight caused by looking at patterns in falling snow (I think), miraculously comes up with a serum that reverses aging. He wanted to use it on his dying wife, but she had already died. [Heavy sigh.] He did save a dying monkey, though, so that's good. Then, back in space, he breaks out of the bubble, then goes back in. I think that's about it. He never finishes the book - they kind of forgot about it, I guess....
"If you are the kind of person that thinks it is Philosophically Deep to see a bald guy in the lotus position tumbling through space or floating four feet off the ground in front a vaguely Mayan religious person, then you might have a chance of enjoying this movie. Otherwise, be prepared to feel like you just wasted 92 minutes of your life. Just awful." -John Carpenter

SkyFail...

Bond, James Bond.  So this one was medium.  The best part is the opening action scene.  Also, when confronted by the villain regarding his lack of sexual experience with other men, 007 relates that he's tried it.

Ugh,  why did we need to have that in there?  I understand Hollywood being gay-friendly, but that don't mean we need to have every character gay.  It's just kinda gay.  Also they make 007 out to be this older, less healthy, less accurate (marksmanship) person.  Lame.  I like my heroes awesome and slightly cocky.  Give my back my old Bond, James Bond. 5/10 stars.

Avengers, anyone?

Does anyone want to review the Avengers so Dan and Lise will finally go see it? :)

I thought it was pretty awesome. Good dialogue and jokes, great action scenes, the plot was a little lacking, but I guess that is to be expected in an action movie like this. Overall, it is definitely a must see. What does everyone else think?

TMNT 3

I hereby renew the Movie Blog with a review of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III.

The movie begins in feudal Japan, about 1600, with a masked man fighting four samurai on horseback. He gets captured, and who will rescue him? Now fastfoward 490 years to the sewers of New York City. April O'Neill is bringing the turtles some things she got from the flea market. She divies out the presents, and happens to give Donnie (the one who wears purple) an ancient japanese lantern. Turns out it transports them back in time to medieval Japan. While there, they end up having to help some poor villagers fight off an evil Japanese warlord who is trying to take over the land. Will they overcome disputes amongst themselves and conquer the villains in time to make it back to Manhattan before the time portal is closed forever? A complex plot filled with peril, romance, sacrifice, and betrayal. Few actors could have pulled off something of this depth, but the turtles have done it again. I give it two thumbs up. The humor is out of this world good, as is the lingo used in it. Perhaps one of the three most influential movies of our generation (bet you can't guess the other two). I think we can all learn a little from Rafael and his sidekicks.

Plot: 10

Acting: 10

Soundtrack: 10

Dancing: 10

Casey Jones: 10

Repeat Viewability: 100

Temple Grandin

This review is actually from Jen. Just had to share this movie as it is one of the best that I've seen in awhile.

This movie is a biographical film of Temple Grandin, whom Wikipedia describes as "a woman with autism who revolutionized practices for the humane handling of livestock on cattle ranches and slaughterhouses." Claire Danes plays Temple Grandin and Julia Ormond (played Sabrina in the modern version) plays Temple's mother. They gave amazing performances. The film creatively portrays how an autistic mind views the world while at the same time showing the conflicts, emotions, and reactions that come with interacting with an autistic individual.

Apart from learning more about the history of autism (ex. how people believed a mother's lack of touch was a cause of autism), I also learned a lot more about cattle -- from the view of an autistic individual.

This film gave me a new view of autism. It also reminded me how specific experiences, comments, and individuals move us to discover our strengths through our trials. An excellent movie. Also completely clean. Don't remember even one swear word.

The film was released in 2010 through HBO. Found the copy I watched at the library.

Source Code

Has anyone seen this yet?

Salt

This movie was actually really great! I feel like I always write negative reviews, and I guess I usually do. Because I want to spare you all the agony of wasting your time watching crappy movies!

But I think you will all like this movie a lot. It is about equal in my mind to the Bourne movies. Except that I like it a little more. I love how it keeps tricking me--she's good!--no! she's bad!--no! she's good!--bad!--good!--bad! Okay, maybe it wasn't quite that many times, but it was a little tricky. I mean, it is what you'd expect from an Action / Russian Spy / FBI flick, but it is excellently executed.

There was plenty of violence, and death--one horrifying death in particular--but I think the level of violence is about equal to what was in the Bourne movies. Or in Mission Impossible. And the plot is just so fantastically riveting! And Angelina Jolie does a superb job. Go watch this tonight!

Knowing

KNOW1NG. We watched this last night. I had low expectations. Those were not even met. This movie is ridiculous. Creepy children, horrific images--think people on fire--, disturbing voices, white-faced blond aliens, death, etc.

I can't think of anything cool about this movie. Oh wait. The design of the alien spaceship was rather innovative.

I've never been a fan of alien movies. Nor end-of-the-world movies. Bleh.

Inception

This has got to be my favorite move (so far) of 2010. I liked it better than avatar, toy story 3, and salt.

The thing that made this movie so amazing was the amazing concept of dream building/hacking/living/fighting. The director, Christopher Nolan has got to be one of my favorite action/adventure directors. Michael Caine who plays the Professor, has appeared in several other of Nolan's films including: Batman Begins, The Prestige, and Dark Knight. As the "Alfred" figure in all.

Another remarkable thing about the movie for me was the complete abandon with which Nolan throws ideas at the audience. I almost wish the movie had been drawn out into seven movies like Star Wars. The discovery that you can share a dream could be the first. The concept that you can be awake in a dream and gain experience could be the second. The concept that you can go to different levels of dreams could be the third. The idea of using drugs to hack into someone's dream and the use of architects to create the dream could be another. The levels after the initial dream could be next... So many concepts that were there were just remarkable.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it you should. My scores:
Plot: 10/10
Acting: 9/10
Soundtrack: 9/10
Cinematography: 9/10
I give this movie a 9/10. And if they come out with an extended cut in the DVD release, I'll probably buy it. It's like the matrix for this decade.

Marley & Me

Dan and I watched this last night. It wasn't a bad movie. We both really like Owen Wilson, so that helped.

The thing was, we'd both been told that this was a sad movie. A tear-jerker. So, we kept waiting for something awful to happen. I was worried that one of the babies was going to die. Or the dad walk out. Or the mom get cancer.

Luckily, none of that happened. The dog dies in the end. That's all. PHEW.

(I know not what to label this movie. I would say "family," but there are a couple swear words. Not funny enough to be comedy, but there are a few good laughs. Hmmm. Any suggestions?)

Date Night

Date Night. 

So funny. A really good blend of comedy and crazy adventure. Even some good suspense. But . . .

SO MUCH CRUDENESS! Darn it. I can't even count the number of jokes about male or female body parts. And then the scene in the strip club that went on and on and on . . . So inappropriate.

Tina Fey and Steve Carell are hilarious, but all the crudeness and sexual references make it impossible for me to recommend this movie to anyone. Sadness. Why don't they make clean comedies anymore?

Wicker Park

I got this in Netflix having heard nothing about it (risky, I know...sometimes I just add things to my Queue with the intent to read up on them later).

Dan kept asking me, "Are you sure this is a chick flick?" because the music seriously sounded like someone was about to get murdered. Any second. All movie long practically. It gave it a really weird vibe.

Unfortunately, this movie moved SUPER SLOW. It was a little painful to get through, and there were unnecessary plot diversions (like what was up with that Daniel guy whose wife got killed in a hit and run? It added nothing to the movie except for contributing to the Is-someone-about-to-get-murdered?-feeling).

They could've made this a lot better by adding a little humor, moving it along faster, and taking out the weird music. Basically, it isn't worth watching.

PG-13 Content: language & sexuality (it says "sh*" ALL THE TIME, the f-word once, and there are like three bed scenes. So yeah, you'd better skip this movie.)

Seven Pounds

I really liked this movie. Sure, it was plenty sad. But it was a really interesting idea, and it was intriguing trying to figure out what was going on at the beginning (we knew nothing about this movie).

The suicide scene is disturbing (I closed my eyes), and there is an inappropriate bed scene that can easily be fast forwarded.

But, Will Smith did an amazing acting job in this. 4.5 Stars.

Million Dollar Baby

What a depressing movie. Wow. The parts that weren't depressing were the parts where she was either getting beaten to a bloody pulp or beating some other chick to a bloody pulp.

And the ending...the most depressing part of all. I think she should choose whether or not they should let her die since she can't even breathe on her own and she's paralyzed from the neck down, but geez louise. That part where she tries to bite her own tongue off so she'll choke on her own blood? Nasty. This gets the award for the most depressing sports movie of all time.

Stop bouncing!

How do I make the thing stop bouncing!